How to Move On (Or Not) After Infidelity

Infidelity, regardless of the situation, is very hard to overcome.

For any relationship to overcome infidelity, both people need to honestly decide if the relationship is worth saving, and the guilty party needs to be committed to doing everything in their power to gain back trust. The two main things to concentrate on here, are making the decision to work it out and communicating with each other in a mature and respectful manner, always.

Some find it important to know why their partner cheated to help them move forward. Others are quick to forgive, or pretend it never happened, or they are endlessly stuck in limbo…being accepting and then furious. Repeatedly!

Time and time again, I notice that one of you will become super clingy. The guilty partner tries to show you lots of love and affection, which can make you feel smothered. Or, the cheated-on partner will never want to let you out of their sight, because let’s face it, you cheated. The trust is gone, bye bye, see ya. Resentment sets in and people become angry, and well, miserable.

At this point, it can get really hard.

Should you choose to forgive and forget, the first and most important thing for both of you to realize, is the relationship you once had is GONE, and from today forward -together- you need to build a new one.

This brings us back around to starting with unanswered questions about why your partner cheated. You must get honest answers to move forward in your relationship.

I can tell you, it is hard. I mean painfully hard, and sad, and depressing, and awful. It is hard for them too, if they truly, deeply, love you. When you love someone so much, you feel like you need them as much as the very air you breathe, but you’re hurt and angry.

How do you move past that, how do you trust again?

You work on it. You take it day by day if you need to. But, you don’t harp and you don’t act immature. Like all relationships, this is a “two-way Street.” You are hurt and angry, but you must do your part if you want to overcome such an ordeal.

Your part is decision making and maturity.

That’s why you both have to be in it together. It will take both people being loving, understanding, and most importantly, fair and respectful of each other’s feelings and emotions throughout the process. I’ve seen it work. I’ve seen it not work. It’s about love, effort, and dedication to the same outcome.

You never know until you try. Make your decision and see it through maturely, the best you can. If the cheated-on partner cannot overcome the pain after a solid effort, it is time to move on, as the damage is irreparable.

3 thoughts on “How to Move On (Or Not) After Infidelity

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  1. Me again! What if the one who commited the crime did it because they’ve desperately wanted out of the relationship for years, but stay for security reasons….I know this happens whenever people are married because after so many years, kids, and financial reasons you feel like you’ve “invested” in so much together. What are your thoughts on how to stop this crazy cycle (for someone who has cheated more than once) AND the cheated on spouse wants to stay until death?? It can really drive someone insane and is not healthy for either party or children involved. Thanks Misty!

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  2. This situation would not be healthy for anyone involved. The cheater clearly has no respect for their spouse or they would not cheat repeatedly. The cheated on spouse is clearly staying for the wrong reasons and needs to put on some grown-up pants and walk away, forever. It is scary to go it alone, but finding the love you deserve is well worth it in the end. It is not good for the children to think it is okay that one parent is a constant cheater and the other stays because it is simply convenient or scared. The cheated on spouse should make the hard decision and RUN.

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