Say No to Uncle-Dad

Reader’s Question:

My husband and I were married for seven years before we divorced. We remain civil today for our children. He is not very close with his family, but I am and have been for years, even before we became a couple. Last week his brother asked me on a date and I am wondering if this is okay or not? He is a good man and I am interested, but don’t want things to get messy.

Gulp. I am guessing that you know the correct answer to this question, but want someone to say yes, it is fine, or hell no, it’s not okay. So, here you go:

 HELL NO, this is not okay…for many reasons.

Let’s start with your children.

I’m pretty sure “Uncle-Dad” is not a situation any kids want to explain or deal with. It is already difficult when your parents decide to start dating after divorce, but when it is a family member or close friend, things really get emotional. Kids need stability, but divorce happens.

 You don’t have to make things harder for them by dating their uncle.

 There are tons of “fish in the sea.” Unless you two are so in love that you will literally die without him, find someone else. Period.

What are you thinking?

Why do you want to date him and why do you think he is okay asking you out? Could any of this be a shot at the ex-husband-brother? With the family already not close, do you really want to add to the strife? What makes him more appealing than a guy with fewer strings attached? What about a fresh start for you?

Dating with children involved after a divorce is very hard. Sometimes when you have been married for a long time, you forget your self-worth. Maybe this is happening to you now. I think this brother makes you feel comfortable, and it’s easy, and it’s a situation you know. So you feel safe. Making it easy for you to consider taking action on an idea you must know is absolutely wrong!

 I believe it’s best that you nail this proverbial door shut, permanently…with very large nails!

Join a dating site, go to a bookstore, or head out with some friends and meet new people. Give yourself a real chance at a new relationship. One that is best for you and healthy for your children.

 You deserve love!

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