I Caught My Friend Cheating…Now What?

Reader’s Question:

 I am in a tough position. My friend cheated on her husband and I happened to be out with her when this happened. We are okay friends, but my husband and her husband are close, and he is at our home on a regular basis. I told my husband the truth because, well, we tell each other everything. Both of us are upset that she put me in this position and now has made comments about keeping it between us. I am not sure what to do about any of this. Should I mention it to the husband? Should I tell her how upset I am that she put me in this position? Or, should I just leave it be?

Yes, you are in a tough position, sort of.

Let’s start with the fact that this “okay friend” is not a real friend. A real friend would not put you in this position, ever.

I too have had a run in with a “friend” like this. You have a decision to make, just like I did. You can stay “friends” with this woman or you can “walk away” and end this relationship.

This is a hard situation for many reasons, but the main one is your husbands are close. It is obvious that he deserves to know his wife is cheating on him. If it were me, I would want to know asap, by any means necessary, but not everyone feels this way.

 Some truly believe ignorance is bliss.

 I’m sitting here chewing my nails and cheeks trying to decide what to say to you.

 I want to say rather harshly, “fuck her, she can piss off, he deserves the truth.”

I would personally do one of three things:


Have your husband chat with him about it. He may take it easier from a guy friend. This keeps things private so that he can handle the situation as he chooses. You can let him know that it will stay between the three of you. He doesn’t even need to tell his wife he knows, only that you care enough about him to be honest because he has the right to know.


Do nothing, except break ties with this woman. No more “friendship.” If she asks, tell her why. Be open and honest. Tell her she put you in an awful and uncomfortable position. Explain that her lack of respect and integrity make a relationship with her unwanted, to say the least.


Tell her that you have told your husband and if she doesn’t come clean, then he will probably tell his friend. It’s what is right.

 Regardless of how old we are, it is so important to choose friends and company wisely.

 Friends are supposed to bring something positive to the relationship and if they don’t, you should reconsider your choice of being their friend. I’d love to think we are all mature and honest adults, but this is sadly far from the truth. It is so hard to find new friends close to your age that have similar values, as well as similar pastimes. But, it is always best to walk away from a toxic relationship, especially one that you are not deeply invested in.

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