My wife and I are in a sexless marriage. It has been about a year since we were intimate and things get awkward with us physically. We don’t really kiss or touch and when we do, it feels like there is a major disconnect, and talking about it gets us nowhere. I know my wife well and this isn’t about an affair or something like that. Life and kids have taken its toll on our marriage and I need to fix it. Please, any advice you can give me to help me talk to my wife would be appreciated.
I hear this all the time. Your situation is more common than you think, but you really have to make an effort to turn things around.
Raising children is hard on a marriage. Life’s ups and downs are hard on a marriage. Marriage is hard work, period.
There will be times when you look at your spouse and think, who the hell are you and why am I with you. Other times you will look at them and think, I’m the luckiest person in the world.
You just have to ride the waves.
It is time to have a serious talk with your wife. Things need to change. You two need to reconnect. Start with an open and honest conversation. This is not the time to blame. It’s a time to listen and learn.
The last thing you want to do is make her feel that this is all her fault.
I have worked with several couples over the last decade that have gone through the same issues. One wife came to me and explained it has been two years, six months, and three days. She was driving herself insane. It was ruining her marriage. She thought her husband was cheating or wanted a divorce, but was too afraid to ask for it.
He wasn’t cheating and he did not want a divorce. They had twin boys and both worked full-time. Life is what was happening.
We often forget to make time for our marriage. Having a family dinner together is not husband and wife time…it is family time. Spouses should schedule time together on a regular basis. Having a planned “date” is a huge psychological motivator to get through a hard week. If you work full time and have two kids, then every week is a hard week, that would benefit from a little “light at the end of the tunnel.”
Making time for the two of you, separate from anyone else, should lead to more sex and a stronger overall connection.
When was the last time you and your wife made time just for each other, on a regular basis? Even if you only have an hour a week and a few bucks to your name, you can still make it happen.
Put the kids to bed, go lay in the back yard, and just watch the stars…or whatever…you get the point.