Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Reader’s Question:

I am 34 years old. I have never been married, but am ready to settle down. I have noticed that all the guys I know, date, or even chat with, seem to really like dating and have no interest in settling down. I simply do not understand this new trend. Is this real?

 New trend???

Wake Up Girlie!! Lack of commitment is a trend that goes back to the beginning of time… being a trans-species, cat-human is a “trend” right now. How surprised can you be?

It is no secret that both men and women, for numerous reasons, have major issues when it comes to commitment. I am guessing this will never change.

If you are ready to settle down then it could be time for you to have a long, honest talk with yourself about what you want and need in a life partner. Once you go through these realistic truths with yourself, you will probably see that many of the guys you are casually dating don’t meet many, if any, of your requirements (leaving physical traits out).

See, when we are looking to “hook-up” vs looking to get serious, we send off different vibes. We are attracted to different people depending on the type of relationship we want. Some people make great friends with benefits. Some people are great for the casual dinner party. Then there are those few that you can see a white, picket fence future with. These good, reasonable, nice guys generally don’t get the first or even second thought from a gal until they are ready to settle down.

So, are you dating/knowing/chatting with the right type of guy?

Probably not and that’s okay, but if you are ready to settle down, it is time for some change.

As you begin to seek out men with this new purpose in mind, remember that honesty is important, but don’t be crazy. Make it known that you are not looking for a fling, but don’t talk about marriage on the first date either. You can convey that you had fun dating in the past, but now want a relationship that includes aspects of a friendship and the ability to grow together. The ability to care for one another. You are not interested in someone who is not looking for the same thing. Don’t try and convince yourself or them otherwise. Speak up, you owe it to yourself.

These “perfect” partners we search for, they are out there. Mix things up. Don’t try meeting guys at the same places you always did. Try something or someplace new. Try to remember in the moment that you are looking for a relationship now, not just a date. If the potential isn’t there, don’t waste anymore time.

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