Love or Lust?

Reader’s Question:

Can you please explain the difference between love and lust?

You’ve heard the expression, “love at first sight,” right? Well, contrary to popular belief, it’s actually lusting at first sight.

Lust is generally what brings people together initially, then one of two things happen. You start to develop true feelings for one another or the strong desire and attraction simply fizzle out.

Unfortunately, one person often fizzles while the other becomes attached.

Love is unconditional. Love is complicated. Love requires effort/thought. Love is commitment. Lust is strong desire. Lust needs no motivation. Lust is absent of thought. Lust is simple. Lust just happens.

Lust is like a drug. You can lust for many things. E.g. sex, money, and power. MRI scans illustrate the same area is stimulated when an addict gets a fix of cocaine or a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.


  • You only focus on physical appearance.
  • You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations. There is no intimacy.
  • You prefer to keep things on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings. You don’t use the word relationship. There isn’t much stability. There isn’t much commitment beyond sex.
  • You experience intense neediness.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.



  • You want to spend quality time together outside the bedroom.
  • You have great conversation, companionship, friendship.
  • You have mutual respect for each other.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to meet his/her family and friends.
  • You think about a future together.


If you think those lists are obvious, good! That means you understand the difference. Hopefully, you and your partner are going in the same direction.

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