I’ve been dating my guy for a little under a month and things are going well. I’m 34, he is 57, and we live about four hours from each other. We see each other a lot when he is in town and sometimes I visit him. He recently asked me to quit my job so I could be more available to him. He said that he is comfortable supporting me financially each month to give me the freedom to travel more. We haven’t been together very long, so I feel uncomfortable with how this makes me look. What are your thoughts?
You were careful not to use the word, “Arrangement,” but that is exactly what you’re self-conscious about. Every relationship is different and there is no real set of rules. We decide what are acceptable relationship parameters based on past experiences and societal pressures.
When referring to relationships, the term “arrangement” has been soiled over the past decade by adulterers and “gold-diggers.” In truth, every relationship is based on some level of arrangement. Some arrangements (I.e. relationships) are balanced, some more onerous.
As a matchmaker, I see all kinds of different arrangements in relationships. I judge relationships based on one question: Are both people receiving what they want in the relationship?
If the answer is yes, two consenting adults are happy with what they get… with their arrangement… then “to each their own.” Putting people into the relationship they want is the essence of my job.
Attractive ladies that date wealthy men are judged more negatively by the public than a person who claims to be a cat. Makes “purrrfect” sense.
Many adults prefer an arranged relationship. I don’t mean monthly allowance for sex and the occasional arm-candy for galas. I do mean clear boundaries are discussed and what’s expected of each other is made clear.
People judge because they are jealous and bitter.
Websites like SeekingArrangements, WhatsYourPrice, Sugadaddy, and AshleyMadison are all arrangement-based services. The arrangement being sex for money, gifts, trips, et cetera. The ladies that participate in these types of relationships are “working girls.” I still do not judge them because both parties are receiving exactly what they want, but you are not one of them!
Life is hard. Money equals freedom.
In his mind, it makes no sense for you not to quit your job and see him around his schedule. He can afford it and has worked hard to be able to offer such a lifestyle to his gal. Yes, the relationship is new, but he can afford your freedom… BE FREE! He will still be at work! Him arranging for you to quit your job is the natural progression of a relationship with a busy person making lots of money.
The Real Issue
You’re worried about people judging your relationship based on age difference and financial support. You are socially aware those factors are reminiscent of the “gold-diggers” playbook, but do not fret. You aren’t an “arrangement whore,” you’re just lucky.
You’re lucky to be with a guy that can afford freedoms most cannot. You’re lucky to have gotten in to this relationship for the right reasons and have economic abundance as an add-on. You’re lucky to be semi-retired at 34 years old. Most of all, you’re lucky to experience such a care-free relationship.
Shit, I’m jealous. Who wouldn’t be?
Note: I do not actually believe in luck. I use the word here to deliver a point.
Be Careful. Be Prepared.
Your situation is not unique in the world of dating successful men. I have had many of the relationships I match turn out this exact way. So, here is my warning:
Your “luck” can run out quick. Have a plan for a potential break-up.
Being judged by others aside, there is one real drawback to allowing him to support you. If you break-up, you become unemployed, not semi-retired, and quickly broke. So, before you agree to quitting your job, discuss how/if he would help you get back on your feet if things change. This isn’t scummy, this is very necessary. Trust me, I have seen the aftermath of having a plan and not. Be on the side of preparation.
Relationship agreements (i.e. actual contracts) are becoming more and more prevalent due to this exact circumstance.
This is a wonderful opportunity for you both to get to know each other on a deeper level. Plus, he is showing a real commitment on his part. Believe that he wouldn’t give his hard-earned money to any pretty face… he wants you.
I say go for it. Try not to care what everyone else thinks. Only you and your partner know what’s best for your relationship.