Dating Phone Etiquette

I work with clients of all ages that live all over the world, and the biggest complaint that I get these days is : she checked her phone at dinner, he was texting while we were on our date, he texted me to ask me to dinner instead of calling me, she was on her phone posting on Facebook during the entire date, she left her phone out on the table and it kept buzzing, he left his phone out on the table and numerous women called him while we were on the date…YOU GET THE POINT.

News Flash!

There is nothing more undesirable than being on a date and feeling alone or ignored. Do not check your phone. Do not text. Do not email. Do not sit your phone out on the table. Being preoccupied with your phone sends the message that the other person is not as important as what is happening elsewhere. It is very rude.

Now, I know it is 2017 and texting is the only way that most people wish to communicate, but I’m here to tell you that if you truly care for someone, or really want to give a new relationship a shot, stop texting and pick up the phone. In a text message, you can’t hear the excitement in her voice when you ask her to dinner, or the nervousness in his. In a phone call, you get real time, live, unfiltered communication, not the second or third draft of a well thought out written response. And while yes, there will be a chance for awkward silences and/or even turndowns, it shows you took the time and effort to give them a few minutes of your time and that you value theirs. In the end, you cannot screenshot a phone call for the whole world to analyze. It is a conversation between only the two of you, so pick up the phone.

Tossing the Dating Rules

From online dating clients to coaching clients, or an executive member, I am always getting asked the same few questions: The 3-Date Rule, The 3 Days Rule, and When Can We Have Sex?

Clients from 18 to 85 are all wondering the same things, so here is a short and sweet rundown of the what to and what not to follow…

The 3-Day-Rule

STOP! Think about this for just a few minutes. You just had a great date and you are so excited to see him/her again, but some lame, outdated rule says you should wait three days to contact them. Maybe you want to seem cool. Maybe you don’t want to seem too eager. Maybe you are waiting to hear from them first so you don’t seem desperate. Whatever reason you come up with…think again. Anything can happen in three days, including them going on another great date with someone else. What if that other person actually called them the next day and asked them out again and showed their true excitement!! If you had a great date, if you like someone, if you got that feeling, if there is a chance you’d like to see them again, if you are eager to see them again, then you should PICK UP THE PHONE and just do something about it! If you are a reasonably perceptive person, you should be able to tell when and if someone is interested in you and then act accordingly. If you are not sure, life is too short…take your chances on getting a no.

The 3-Date-Rule

Over the last decade, so many men and women have passed up a great guy or guy based on a first date experience. ALWAYS give someone new the courtesy of three dates. I cannot imagine this is a news flash, but most people don’t always perform perfectly on the first date. People get nervous. People are shy. If you meet someone and the first date wasn’t an utter disaster, then you should always try for a second date. On a second date, you can really get to know someone. Everyone is more relaxed and while not completely themselves, more themselves than the first date. For the third date, you can get a little more personal, dig a bit deeper. It can generally take three dates to really know for sure if you have real interest or not. I always push my clients to give three dates as a minimum a shot, and I bet you’ll be happy if you give it a try too.

When Can We Have Sex?

Well, you CAN have sex when you both consent. It could be before you head to dinner for your first date, 6 months into a relationship, or even when you get married. There are plenty of rules here, but there should be none. You have sex when you are ready and it feels right. Period. There does not need to be a timeline. Sit down with yourself and decide what you want and when you will be ready, if needed, but don’t add limits and rules. Relationships are hard enough on their own.

On a side note. Finding a relationship with a partner you are sexually compatible with is a big part of a lasting relationship. Please remember that very often more than not, sexual compatibility is a learned behavior. You must work on it. Variety, emotion, and frequency are heavy factors in sexual compatibility. This is an area where couples often fail due to lack of communication. Know what you like and what you want from a partner. Do not be afraid, ashamed, or even shy about asking for it. If you are unsure of what you want and like, this is fine too, you just must communicate it.  It’s best to know upfront where the line is, so you can gauge if this is a relationship for you.

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•General dating advice

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