The Million Dollar Proposal

Reader’s Question:

 I proposed to my girlfriend and she said no. She said I ruined it because it wasn’t a good proposal… “it was a basic one.” Apparently, she’ll say yes if I give her a do-over and really go all out. I’m not an over the top guy, so what kind of things are people doing these days to go all out on this?

My initial thought of, fucking run, dude… doesn’t answer your question. You should consider running, though.

It has been a full week since I wrote the previous sentence and I’m still unable to focus on your question. It’s baffling that you don’t seem to see (or care about) the real issue here!

If you give into this nonsense now, you will deal with nonsense for the entirety of your relationship. You should stop it now before you become a controlled, miserable, shell of a man.

Priorities

 I think there is way too much pressure put on making a “perfect” proposal. What exactly does a rom-com, movie style proposal change? Does it make her feel more special than the fact you want to marry her and share all you have with her?

Context for readers: This question was asked by a wealthy man who is 15 years older than the “proposal-zilla.”

What About You?

 I feel awful for you, kinda. You did ask her to marry you so I will assume you know who she is. We all “lie in the bed we make.” My compassion for you comes from the fact that you were rejected by the lady you love because you weren’t flashy enough. That’s tough.

How you propose shouldn’t matter at all. This isn’t prom.

Is she really “the one” for you? I tell all my members that as long as both people are getting what they want, then great. Only you know what makes you happy. If your only focus is to have her say yes then let’s move forward.

Here are some over-the-top, unnecessary, and outlandish marriage proposal trends from Brides.com: https://www.brides.com/story/engagement-proposal-trends

  • Underwater proposal in a submarine, at a famous shipwreck.
  • The Jefferson, one of Washington D.C.’s poshest places to propose. Lovebirds can toast to their new engagement with a glass of 296-year-old 1720 Borges Madeira. It’s the same wine used to toast the Declaration of Independence (not that I think she will appreciate the significance).
  • If Keeneland Race Course is good enough for nobility, it certainly is good enough for you! Located in Lexington, Kentucky—the horse capital of the world—it’s here that equine enthusiasts can say “Yes” or even “I do” at the number one thoroughbred racetrack in North America.
  • One-way lovers are using these treasure trove shores to their advantage is by asking their bae to go on a treasure hunt, only to lead them to a spot where there’s an engagement ring buried in the sand (that’s where your watchful friend comes in handy, so no one else finds it first!).

And finally, the one she really wants:

  • Hotel Metropole Monte-Carlo, the over-the-top Belle Époque style property where Karl Lagerfeld designed the pool area might be one of the chicest places on the planet to rest your head at the moment, so it’s no surprise that they have a new proposal package to match. Coined the “Million Euro Proposal”, it begins with a private jet ride to Monaco from anywhere in the world, followed by a couple’s massage at Spa Metropole by Givenchy and then—if that wasn’t great enough already—it’s all followed up by a shopping spree in the Golden Square of Monte-Carlo, where guests can shop the boutiques of Chanel, Dior, Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga, Alexander McQueen, Prada, Boucheron, Cartier, and more. Later that night, couples top off their extravagant day in the Carré d’Or (that’s French for Gold Square) penthouse suite, which is decorated with rose petals and 1,000 candles on the terrace, where you’ll find sweeping views of Monaco and the Mediterranean Sea. After a private dinner created by the Michelin-starred team at Restaurant Joël Robuchon, a plane with a “will you marry me” banner will fly over the suite. And yes, it costs over $1 million bucks!

Spend a million bucks, and bam, you’ll have yourself a wife. None of these proposals mean anything more than your ability and willingness to spend disposable income.

Good luck!

Does Sex Equal Committment?

Reader’s Question:

 I’ve been dating this guy for a few months. We kept things casual, but we have sex, so I assumed we weren’t seeing other people. Over the last few weeks, he’s been acting differently. We talk in the morning and early afternoon, then he just disappears for the rest of the day. This is new behavior. Maybe I’m over thinking this, but it just seems weird. We have gone from constant communication to sporadic. Do you think something has changed? Am I allowed to care since we never made our relationship official?

I would feel and think the same way… boy, are we naive. Sexual relationships mean more to some than to others. You’ve heard of Tinder, right?

Sadly, just because you are sleeping together does not mean you are in a committed relationship.

Have you both acknowledged that you don’t want to see other people? If not (and it sounds like you haven’t), you are not in a committed relationship.

All relationships need an agreement. These are called “relationship agreements.”

There is one overriding fact here: you didn’t discuss your relationship, so you technically do not have one. We both know that is silly, of course.

With the advent of online dating (join TheHeartMarket.com Free), people date a lot and hook-up even more. He could easily be dating around and you can, too. The question is, do you want to?

Yes, the change in communication most likely has a meaning. It could be due to another gal, or it could be trouble at work. You need to ask him.

Talking to him would solve all your problems in one way or another.

Even if you keep the chat short and sweet, get on the same page about what you should both expect. This will create your “relationship agreement.”

First, discuss your relationship, then ask about the change in communication.

Do not sit and worry on this. “Worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.” – Erma Bombeck

Just ask and save yourself the anxiety.

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