The Million Dollar Proposal

Reader’s Question:

 I proposed to my girlfriend and she said no. She said I ruined it because it wasn’t a good proposal… “it was a basic one.” Apparently, she’ll say yes if I give her a do-over and really go all out. I’m not an over the top guy, so what kind of things are people doing these days to go all out on this?

My initial thought of, fucking run, dude… doesn’t answer your question. You should consider running, though.

It has been a full week since I wrote the previous sentence and I’m still unable to focus on your question. It’s baffling that you don’t seem to see (or care about) the real issue here!

If you give into this nonsense now, you will deal with nonsense for the entirety of your relationship. You should stop it now before you become a controlled, miserable, shell of a man.

Priorities

 I think there is way too much pressure put on making a “perfect” proposal. What exactly does a rom-com, movie style proposal change? Does it make her feel more special than the fact you want to marry her and share all you have with her?

Context for readers: This question was asked by a wealthy man who is 15 years older than the “proposal-zilla.”

What About You?

 I feel awful for you, kinda. You did ask her to marry you so I will assume you know who she is. We all “lie in the bed we make.” My compassion for you comes from the fact that you were rejected by the lady you love because you weren’t flashy enough. That’s tough.

How you propose shouldn’t matter at all. This isn’t prom.

Is she really “the one” for you? I tell all my members that as long as both people are getting what they want, then great. Only you know what makes you happy. If your only focus is to have her say yes then let’s move forward.

Here are some over-the-top, unnecessary, and outlandish marriage proposal trends from Brides.com: https://www.brides.com/story/engagement-proposal-trends

  • Underwater proposal in a submarine, at a famous shipwreck.
  • The Jefferson, one of Washington D.C.’s poshest places to propose. Lovebirds can toast to their new engagement with a glass of 296-year-old 1720 Borges Madeira. It’s the same wine used to toast the Declaration of Independence (not that I think she will appreciate the significance).
  • If Keeneland Race Course is good enough for nobility, it certainly is good enough for you! Located in Lexington, Kentucky—the horse capital of the world—it’s here that equine enthusiasts can say “Yes” or even “I do” at the number one thoroughbred racetrack in North America.
  • One-way lovers are using these treasure trove shores to their advantage is by asking their bae to go on a treasure hunt, only to lead them to a spot where there’s an engagement ring buried in the sand (that’s where your watchful friend comes in handy, so no one else finds it first!).

And finally, the one she really wants:

  • Hotel Metropole Monte-Carlo, the over-the-top Belle Époque style property where Karl Lagerfeld designed the pool area might be one of the chicest places on the planet to rest your head at the moment, so it’s no surprise that they have a new proposal package to match. Coined the “Million Euro Proposal”, it begins with a private jet ride to Monaco from anywhere in the world, followed by a couple’s massage at Spa Metropole by Givenchy and then—if that wasn’t great enough already—it’s all followed up by a shopping spree in the Golden Square of Monte-Carlo, where guests can shop the boutiques of Chanel, Dior, Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga, Alexander McQueen, Prada, Boucheron, Cartier, and more. Later that night, couples top off their extravagant day in the Carré d’Or (that’s French for Gold Square) penthouse suite, which is decorated with rose petals and 1,000 candles on the terrace, where you’ll find sweeping views of Monaco and the Mediterranean Sea. After a private dinner created by the Michelin-starred team at Restaurant Joël Robuchon, a plane with a “will you marry me” banner will fly over the suite. And yes, it costs over $1 million bucks!

Spend a million bucks, and bam, you’ll have yourself a wife. None of these proposals mean anything more than your ability and willingness to spend disposable income.

Good luck!

Weddings: Does Size Really Matter?

Reader’s Question:

Thank you, Misty. You matched me with the man of my dreams and we recently became engaged. It’s been a wonderful fairy tale. I’m so in love. He has been married before. I have not. My concern is that I want to keep things small, informal, and private for the wedding. I know his style will be the opposite. I don’t have a lot of friends or family, nor do I want to stress on the best day of my life. I’d rather have a very private wedding with immediate family. Perhaps a party to celebrate after. Is it selfish of me to make this request?

Congratulations! I am very happy for you guys… told you he was the perfect match. (Man, I’m awesome.) No, this does not make you selfish.

I trust you are correct in assuming he will desire large and lavish. So, while he shouldn’t feel you’re being selfish, he may simply not agree.

Welcome to marriage… where there is no true right or wrong most of the time, just two people who want/feel/think different things.

This aspect of marriage can be a real son-of-a-bitch! 

So, have the conversation, because all you can do is speculate and worry without knowing how he will react. I do not think this being your first marriage and his second really matters, here. I don’t think it’s fair to start using his past as an excuse for the present. Be honest and hopefully he understands. Your concerns are common for the situation.

What if he doesn’t budge?

There is a chance he says you’re just being nervous about getting up in front of people and you’re worried because most of the guests will be his. These assessments are true, of course. Plus, making yourself uncomfortable is a good growing experience, as it is for us all. I think most people are uncomfortable on their wedding day, but I’m with you. Who cares what most people do?

Compromise… blah, blah, blah

Unless your fiance is immediately understanding and puts your wants over his, a compromise will be needed. I’m sure he can keep some things more low-key for you and you could agree to some aspects being planned with more showmanship involved.

Marriage requires the ultimate give and take.

Have fun and good luck!

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